La Coronela's last command

Writing about personal trauma was more difficult than serving in combat.

Stories from the Front: Pain, Betrayal, and Resilience on the MST Battlefield by Lisa Carrington Firmin will be published by Blue Ear Books on April 22, 2022. Pre-order your copy for US$18.95 plus $3.95 US shipping via this link.

As I sit in the twilight phase of the book process, I am filled with both excitement and trepidation. Stories from the Front: Pain, Betrayal, and Resilience on the MST Battlefield will see the light of day in late April 2022. Why do I feel such a juxtaposition of emotions on the dawning of my first book?

First, because I am sharing my most personal incidents of military sexual trauma (MST) and combat experiences with the public.

Second, I am telling the MST stories of thirteen others who bared their souls to me. They entrusted me with their most private thoughts and emotions.

Third, I am super stoked that I was able to complete this book in record time, a little under a year. From concept to publication and everything in between.

Fourth, I know that there will be many that will be pleased to have these stories shed light on the issue and drive change. But I also know some will be upset, as I am allowing the public inside to see the harsh reality of MST and how it digs deep into people’s minds and spreads throughout lives, affecting both the personal and the professional. These are deeply intense experiences of trauma that I’ve written about.

It was a hefty project from the beginning. You ever herd veterans and active-duty individuals? Not an easy task for anyone, but I was guided on this one by a higher power. I felt compelled to tell my story and others following the horrific murder of soldier Vanessa Guillén on April 22, 2020. The book spans over 50 years, from the Vietnam era to present day. The diversity included speaks loudly to how MST impacts anyone and everyone.

Capturing and sharing these stories has been the honor of my life, but also one of the most difficult tasks I have ever undertaken. I would say that it was more difficult on many levels than serving as a commander in combat. I was trained to lead in combat, to never let my emotions get in the way of my mission.

I wasn’t trained to let down my defenses and to share trauma openly, honestly, and authentically. The material in Stories from the Front includes personal indignities, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape. It also includes racial, ethnic, gender, and sexual orientation disparities. It was beyond painful to listen to each experience, for at times it triggered my own trauma. After getting to know everyone portrayed in the book, the commander in me emerged for her final command. I felt the need to protect all of them. Even more importantly, I felt a heavy responsibility to ensure I got it right, that I told their stories in a manner that honored and respected their lived experiences and their humanity.

Due to the extremely intimate and traumatic nature of the material in Stories from the Front, I decided to take the time to go over each story with every individual I wrote about. That was a sobering experience filled with much pain, as each of them saw in print her or his own story of abuse. The weight of carrying so much was very real to me and to them. As I wrote about their trauma, the commander in me, and the fellow MST survivor in me, hoped that some of their burden could lessen. And it did. For some it has been truly uplifting. For others the burden has lessened, but the journey in speaking up publicly has taken its toll.

As I reflect on the entire book, just prior to public release, I see it as my last command. My responsibility was to capture and tell these stories to humanize and personalize MST for the reader, as well as to educate the public, add to the current national dialogue on the issue, and make a difference moving forward.

I am not a hater of all things military. Quite the contrary, I love my country and am proud of my service. I served in combat in Iraq and was willing to lay my life down for my fellow service members and the United States. I just think it is time to set the record straight about the grim realities of serving. If these fourteen MST stories can help others and impact changes regarding laws, regulations, and policy, then speaking our truth is worth showing our vulnerability.

Writing this book enabled me to get a jump start on my own healing journey. Knowing I am not alone in my MST has been so impactful for me. I am grateful to all those who have contacted me and told me their own stories. MST is indeed an epidemic within the ranks.

What was so empowering to me was that in the telling of each story, depicting such vulnerability, immense resiliency and strength emerged. Each story is powerful, and together the collective messages resound. All fourteen of us who shared experiences in Stories from the Front bravely spoke up, forging a lifelong bond solidified in trauma. We opened our own wounds to heal others. We are MST warriors on the frontlines of the battlefield surrounding MST.

Stay tuned to this Substack for more articles about Stories from the Front. Future articles will include excerpts from each chapter of individual stories.

Stories from the Front: Pain, Betrayal, and Resilience on the MST Battlefield by Lisa Carrington Firmin will be published by Blue Ear Books on April 22, 2022. Pre-order your copy for US$18.95 plus $3.95 US shipping via this link.

This Substack newsletter from Blue Ear Books features occasional articles by authors of the books we publish. This newsletter is free, but consider supporting our work with a modest paid subscription.